Fare? You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Caring for our eyes is of utmost necessity, but so is having a little fun. Q: What's the difference between this joke and sex? Probably because they always focus on what matters. Judge Joke 2 How come you can you never borrow a few quid from a leprechaun? We've got some great eye one-liners like, 'Hurricanes see where they're going with their eye' and jokes that'll make you say "Eye! The story is by John Norville & Josh Goldstein and Glenn Ficarra & John Requa, and the screenplay is by Michael Green and Glenn Ficarra & John Requa. What did one eye say to the other eye? What do Irish ghosts drink on Halloween? When I say I am a bad electrician somebody gets shocked and my community still wonders why. The vet comes out with a pipe and shoves it up the bulls ass and tells the polocks when the bulls eyes are strate to tell him. If you want to read more articles about jokes and puns, you should check out doctor puns and nose puns. Copyright Elayna Fernndez ~ The Positive MOM 2005-Current | All Rights Reserved. One liner tags: life 63.72 % / 31 votes. Step 1: Find an object to aim at. Well, the look on the customer's face was priceless. A farmer!. An Irishman was in New York patiently waiting to cross a busy street. It gives them eye-fives. What did the husband mention to his wife at their wedding? They have a wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping ONE FOOT! Kidadl is supported by you, the reader. That option is becoming increasingly desirable. The chemistry between the actors was palpable in the interview. Hello. Not much, but when I do, eye brows. !, asked the patient. Everything youve seen thats new in this world, Ive seen a thousand times. #5 Times Square on New Year's Eve. See our new one liners or check one liner of the day. Sexual harassment. Names. The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract." Mastering the art of the one liner is simple, much easier than mastering the art of telling humorous stories. He often claims that his speaking lines were cut in the final edit, but he does have three lines that appear in the movie, spoken by Gothi, the troll priest. Why do Australians hunt with one eye 8. 17. 54. Doyouthinkhesawus. What did the eyes say when they finally got the glasses? An eye soar. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. Because a bad eye cant Since 2017, Ive spent a painful amount of time researching, writing and planning guides for this website while also creating detailed road trip itineraries. ! Well no. Because she couldn't control her pupils? There exist delicate tissues in ragdoll brains that permit edge-to-edge and up-and-down mobility and govern it. What would you call the eyeball who just got a pilot's license? Dec. 5, 2021. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. Johnson jokingly refers to Blunt as The female Indiana Jones.. Probably because they are all very eye-tech. She said, "Tell me something about my eyes.". You can takeyour invitation and you can shove it up your association. Why did the phone start wearing glasses? Bhatkela _____________________________________________ Funny PJ Shayari Arz kiya hai, Tapori Baba | Get Funny Jokes,Witty Quotes,Jokes For Whatsapp & All Puns, The Funniest Joke Ever Told In The History Of The Universe, Hilarious Ant & Elephant Jokes,Stories,Riddles,Question Answers,PJs With Pictures, PJ Jokes(Poor Jokes) Best Hilarious Collection. [1] Who do Australians hunt with one eye? I assure you all of these are entirely necessary to my survival. What did the judge have to say about a bad eye pun said during the trial? a pedestrian-crossing; a level-crossing. Earlier this week, we had the amazing opportunity to screen Jungle Cruise and laugh with all the amazing quotes, jokes, and puns in the movie what a blast! I had to put my foot down. 37. Tony, he called. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Thats good says Paddy. Theres probably a handful of great bad Irish jokes below, along with some shite ones, too. How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. So the man goes in and orders a pint of Guinness, and a gin and tonic in a cup. Cross-eyed treatments can vary depending on the situation. Exactly between H and J. Captain.". A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight! 74. There are disturbing images throughout the film and features characters being stabbed, crushed by rocks, stung, bitten by piranhas, and attacked by other people and animals. Tag. These are my top 20 cow jokes. It didnt work out. Miscellaneous Eyes Other expressions. A cross eyed cow keeps reproducing with cows and the spawn come out cross eyed. Freaky eye-day. "No, because he's heavy," says the vet. What did the left eye mutter to the right one? You look 'armless! I failed math so many times at school,. An Irish farmer was walking along the boundary between his and his neighbours fields when he spotted his neighbour carrying 2 sheep in his arms. The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try." "No, because hes heavy," says the vet. It all starts innocently, mixing chocolate and Rice Krispies, but before you know it, you're adding raisins and marshmallows. Names. I don't know and I don't care. THIS IS HILARIOUS. I dont care in the slightest. I found out she was seeing someone on the side. He said, "Eye! 22. Why don't you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. Easily offended? Disclaimer: I left themajorityof the more offensive Irish jokes to the end, but one of the lads sent me this in a text and I thought it was gas (Irish slang for funny)! Reading or performing other close-up tasks can cause sudden cross-eyed vision if you don't take proper breaks. But, if such a sad instance occurs and you couldn't find your favorite one-liner included in our list, add it in the comments section. Theres a nun standing outside it. Between you and me, something smells. How many optometrists are needed to screw in one light bulb? This upcoming album features debut single "Trouble". He was a sniper. Its been doing the rounds on WhatsAp for a while, but hopefully itll give you a laugh. What is a lost banana called ? Why are birthday's good for you? Two monkeys running a bath. Cross-eyed monster: When I grow up I want to be a bus driver. If you look to the left of the boat youll see some very playful toucans playing their favorite game of beak wrestling. At a vice-presidential debate against Walter Mondale in 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the acerbic one-liners he was known for. A P Eye. Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears fall down her back 3rd one says: "choro yaar bechara akela hai aur hum teen. Inspired by the famous Disneyland theme park ride,DisneysJungleCruiseis an adventure-filled,rollicking thrill-ride down the Amazonwith wisecracking skipper Frank Wolff and intrepid researcher Dr. Lily Houghton. But a homeless man with three eyes is the winner. Thank you! Well, I look forward to disappointing you. What's the difference between an Aussie and a Yoghurt? The waiter brought a dish with two fish, one larger than the other. By joining Kidadl you agree to Kidadls Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and consent to receiving marketing communications from Kidadl. 32. In a few decades. He said, "bad puns are they way eye roll.". What do you call a kid with no legs and one eye? 72. Or looking for Irish jokes for kids? cross-winds; cross-pieces. email addresses were disqulified from the list and couldn't be sent. Names, Two blondes were walking in the park. Do they live or do they die? "Closure doesn't exist," she responds smoothly. Love sharing with your friends and family? We exist to make planning your Irish Road Trip easy. BOOOOOOs., A Cork man went for a job at the local stables. 109. I asked her why she drew the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised! OK none of these jokes are going to be overly filthy, because this is a site for all the family. 15. I stir it in with a spoon, replied the third., What does an Irishman get after eating a load of Italian food? After five minutes he shouted to the cop, Here! One of the men said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped himself to the larger fish. Open Preview. Enjoy. It can affect either one or both eyes. We have him locked up, so dont come calling for him. A: You can at least ignore a blond safely. Yo mama's so cross-eyed, she can see the front and the back door at the same time Stop! she says to him. Our eyes constitute one of the most essential parts of our body. She was cross-eyed. What would you call an alien that had a missing eye? They stayed too long had too much .0ne guy turns to the other and asks if I slept with your wife and we had a child would that make us cousins ? Below, youll find a handful of clean Irish jokes. How did the wonderful carpenter cut the piece of wood by looking at it? What is the definition of "making love"? Step 4: Now close one eye. Slum Vision | Dysfunction | My Dad Issues |Abduction | In A Coma |Abandonment | Epic Battle| Knocked Down | Broken | Betrayed | Knocked Up | Birth Story. He though I've got a chance with this one and went up to her asking if she would like to dance. The teacher has to wear sunglasses just because his students are so bright. Its one of my boulder attractions. Pat. Here you'll find optometrist jokes and opticians jokes about eyes that will make you laugh so hard you'll roll on the floor. To prism. 31. But a good eye might, What do you call a deer with one eye? Because she couldn't ever keep her eyes on them. What do you spy with your little eyes? cross-eye noun krs- 1 : strabismus in which the eye turns inward toward the nose 2 cross-eyes plural : eyes affected with cross-eye cross-eyed krs-d adjective Word History First Known Use 1826, in the meaning defined at sense 1 Time Traveler The first known use of cross-eye was in 1826 See more words from the same year Did you. They both love testing pupils. Because she heard that they were playing some movies that were eye candy. What do bullshitters like most about St. Patricks day? cruzado, hbrido crossing noun 1. a place where a road etc may be crossed. 61. Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. You might also have: impaired vision. Ive put the little b*stard in our garden. Connection! It was, replied the friend. "Just because he's cross-eyed?" Itll come off eventually. "Well," says the vet "I'm going to have to put him down." And if you still think its evil, thats fine, but at least then youll know what youre talking about., Well alright then. It was 8 oclock and the neighbours dog was going mental. 14. I recently heard about a mannequin that lost all of his friends. But a good-eye-might. What happens if you have the heart of the lion and the eye of the tiger? What is the favorite song of the blue eyeball? What did the snowman tell his son? This is one of the best Irish jokes that Ive come across recently. The cat will be cross-eyed if both eyes are misguided towards the nose. What did the teacher say to the aspiring eye doctor students? 75. This article contains incorrect information, This article doesnt have the information Im looking for, Best Eye Jokes That Are Perfect For Making A Spectacle Of Yourself, 40 Best Trombone Jokes And Puns That Don't Blow. Funny One-Liners 1. What would you call a pig if it had three eyes? What happened when the man could see clearly after a long time? Here we have the joke about eyes, optician jokes that might make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh that hard. Why didn't the optometrist want to learn any jokes? Rick-O-Shea. 94. Because a bad eye can't Why did the teacher decide to quit her job the other day? They have always been blue. Ive some bad news and some terrible news for you.. 62. What an amazing opportunity! One of the questions was How do you stir sugar into your tea?. If people go past, I dont want them to see me drinking.. 'That's good' says Paddy. He parks the car and runs over to them. This is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond! He replies, Im Ben Riordain, and I live in the flat above Paddy!'. He had a-stick-matism from then on. There was a traffic cop manning the crossing. Subscribe for virtual tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more. Eye! Doctors who study and later examine patients' eyes and advise them on their problems and diseases are called optometrists. 81. Eyes cream. 49. If you doget offended by any of these, you need to get your noggin checked. 7. What do the spooks that have low eyesight wear? When you realize that waiting for the waiter makes you the waiter. trans-, a travs 2. of mixed variety. Sorry, love, can I have a pint of Guinness and a packet of crisps where youre ready there. says the man. What happened when a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup in his eyes? Its like drifting through the Garden of Eden. Because they just couldn't see eye to eye. They each ask the barman for a pint of Guinness. "The police are looking for a man with one eye named Murphy." It says, "I see that you're still wrong". They then moved to the next street and did the same, working flat out all day without stopping. It's a rocky road! 'Sure you'd be arrested for less!'". 2. Lily isdeterminedto uncover an ancient tree with unparalleled healing abilitiespossessing the power to change the future of medicine. When they arrived, the nurse asked, How dilated is she, sir?. After five years your job will still suck. Did you hear about the cashier that scanned the eyes of one rude customer with his barcode reader? 70. You'll have to tell me. Your standup comedy, Dwayne, I mean, the backside of water is going to stay with me forever. Rourkela 7. Here are some of our favorite Jungle Cruise quotes: Lagrimas de Cristal (pause for dramatic effect) You are not where you are supposed to be. 26. Dwayne Johnson: The script was in a really good place. The other said, well put some cold in it then! What do you call a woman who is paralyzed from the waist down? The other lad filling them in. Singer, Songwriter and original member of legendary rock band The Rolling Stones, Richards is a rock legend and is among the greatest guitarists of all time. It'd be called Piiig. How does a hurricane see? 63. But a good-eye-might. Where do all the rabbits go every time they need their eyes checked? Instead of manually entering the email addresses you want to send to each and every time, you can now create your own personalized contact list that will be available for you to use any time you want to share one of our posts with your friends and family. Dontthinkhesawus. Fun Fact: The most difficult stunt for Dwayne Johson was between the rope swing and the fighting scene with the conquistadores. Because he said that it would improve their di-vision. A: A Candy Baa. Black-Eyed Susans Quotes Showing 1-30 of 33. One lad would dig a hole and the other lad would follow him and fill the hole in. You are not where you are supposed to be. Between you and me there's something that smells. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. Gaelic breath.. This is to eye for.". But would you mind if I run it through my kidneys first?'. Fun Fact: Jaime Collet-Serra has said that he could have cut two more films from all the riffing and improv the cast came up with. What do you call a kid with one leg, one eye, one arm, asthma and tons of acne? 5. 4-Step Eye Dominance Test. He pushed it so far every time to try and make me laugh on that vine swing. Whatcha call a dear with one eye? Q: What did the judge say to the dentist? Well when he left the average I.Q in Ireland dropped by 15% ! I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. 68. ", 88. But all mine ever says is goodbye." "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. Couldnt concentrate. Who told you that? asked Marty.. Well send you tons of inspiration to help you find a hidden gem in your local area or plan a big day out. Everything that you see wants to kill you, and can. A lad from Clare went to his local doctor with cramps from constipation. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. ? he replies. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. I have three and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one eye. Where would you take one eye that is depressed? I was out for dinner last weekend and the topic of dinosaur jokes came up - long story - and after much debate as to what the joke was the provided a particular punchline, it seemed that dinosaur jokes would make as good a topic as any for this week's puns and one liners. Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! Why were the eyelid and the eyebrows always fighting? Jack Whitehall: Welcome to the pungle? He said, "Iris my case.". The banter was strong with these ones! Yo mama' so cross-eyed, everytime she cries tears collapse her returned yo mama' so go-eyed whilst she sees a hen, you don't understand if it's up or down yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past on the equal time! Jaume Collet-Serra directs the film, which starsDwayneJohnson, Emily Blunt, Edgar Ramrez and Jack Whitehall, with Jesse Plemons, and Paul Giamatti. It could be that one persons world enough. Probably because he lost all his contacts. The pedestrians crossed ages ago whens it time for the Catholics?!'. 91. And says "Oi! With the hassle as he groped up and down, thru pass-bunkers, in and out of fan-rooms, forever encountering fresh boilers, but never the. One liner tags: marriage, puns 73.71 % / 207 votes. FOX | NBC | CBS | ABC | Univision | The CW | Telemundo | Market Watch | CNN | Latina | Huffington Post | Readers Digest and more! Caring for our eyes is of utmost necessity, but so is having a little fun. The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. One turns to the other and says, It was a beautiful ceremony, wasnt it?!. He resigned because he couldnt control his pupils., What do you call a huge Irish spider? Have you heard about the optometrist that brought his daughter to a chamber? Why? What is Whitney Houston's favorite type of coordination? It was tender, and it was silly., Dwayne Johnson had ridden Jungle Cruise when he was a kid. What would you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Emphasis onsome. But today the lad who plants the trees phoned in sick.'. At Kidadl we pride ourselves on offering families original ideas to make the most of time spent together at home or out and about, wherever you are in the world. Have you heard about the boy who was dating a girl that had lazy eyes? Where can you always locate the eye? 13. Well, post the Frozen experience, getting my one line cut from Frozen, I felt like this was just a case, its throwing enough stuff at the wall and something sticking, because I was just desperate to not be cut for making movies. #6 a squirrel in a nut factory. Read to the end they do get better. How do government employees wink when they're at work? Every shingle time. Two lads were on opposite sides of the river Lee in Cork. But could you put it in a cup? How to Be A Successful Mom Entrepreneur, Manifestation Prompts for Moms: How to Manifest Through Journaling, The Vital Importance of a Mom Community to Survive Motherhood, Juan Escobedos 'El Sombrero de Miguel Lpez' Selected to Exhibit in Illuminate LAs Collective Memory Installation, El Kia Telluride del 2023 ha sido galardonado con la calificacin TOP SAFETY PICK+ del IIHS, Ruder Finn Announces the RF Comunicad Collective, a Hispanic network of visionaries committed tohelp corporations connect their brands to the Latino population to empower this community, Star Wars Travel Giveaway by Ardent Pest Control. So the other blonde covers an eye with her hand and says, "Where?". It's a fun kind of song." F*ck this, shouted Anto as he ran out of the room. Website and Mobile site:Disney.com/JungleCruise, Like us on Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/JungleCruise/, Follow us on Twitter:https://twitter.com/JungleCruise, Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/disneysjunglecruise/. We recommend that these ideas are used as inspiration, that ideas are undertaken with appropriate adult supervision, and that each adult uses their own discretion and knowledge of their children to consider the safety and suitability. I have been turned down by all the best clubs in Europe. A week later the lad comes back. Turn back from the path of sin!, What?! "What's the other eye called? So, what someone deems as funny Irish jokes is subjective i.e. Between you and me, something smells. Sir Prise. I also found out she was seeing someone on the side. You'd get called to the circus. Rukela 6. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" Funny one-liner #3549 My cross-eyed wife and I just got a divorce. Something a woman does while a guy is screwing her. I get paid by the number of people I take out, not by the number of people I bring back. the funniest joke ever told in the history of the universe 1. Antos missus was in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child. Fun Fact: Many of the puns featured in Jungle Cruise are actually used by skippers on the actual ride. Yo mama's so pass-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she thought she picked up two nickels. Whats the bad news? Still no eye deer. What did the mom contact lens say to her mischievous baby contact lens? The bone doctor's jokes were humorous but the eye doctor's jokes were cornea. Why are our eyes undoubtedly the most important part of the body? What do the zombies eat for dessert at school lunches? Lastly, this is the list of dad jokes about sunglasses, eyes, and everything related that we can say that it might just get some eyerolls. My mission is to help moms find peace, break cycles, and feel whole so they can be present, peaceful, and positive moms. T-shirt is actually short for tyrannosaurus shirt. Telling a Basic One-Liner Download Article 1 Make your joke super short. It got too warm in the cockpit so he switched off the fan! He said, "Eye hope you start feeling better soon". What is the similarity between an optometrist and a teacher? 2. Everybody laughed at the premiere, people cheered. She called it, 'For Eyes'. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man? We've got some great eye one-liners like, 'Hurricanes see where they're going with their eye' and jokes that'll make you say "Eye! If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. decreased depth . One eyed ghosts. Related reads:See our guides to the best Irish toasts for drinks, weddings and more. "Shit!!!" Not a thing. What did one eye say to the other? Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest! Two Irish lads were working for the local county council. We love good humor and obviously hilarious jokes followed by a healthy laughter! Witch: Well, I won't stand in your way. Because she had a high eye-Q. Whats a Heron with only one eye? 105. It's pretty cute until it poops on your head." "I'm skeptical of anyone who tells me they do yoga every day. Why did the therapist suggest anger management to the eye? Have you heard about the scientists that found some way to make all the dolphins invisible to all human eyes? What did the husband do when he said to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes? He was too clothes minded. yo mama so crossed eye she sees the future and the past at the same time! The Garda turns to the second fella and asks the same question. Doctors who study and later examine patients' eyes and advise them on their problems and diseases are called optometrists. 66. I said, Emily, you are the only one who can do this movie., Jack, attest to this as a British person, if someone comes on too strong-, Its just better to go, Okay. Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove . This section is just for you. It sang, "Ain't No Mountain Eye Enough.". Dive into the categories below and make sure to add more of your own in the comments below. It's not a flaw to have a husband, but an essential drawback to have a wife. Anonymous. Because they're optical allusions. Bin-ocular vision. What are eye drops in technical terms? Why didn't the eyes like wearing any glasses? Married. It sees with its eye. 98. A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students? One liner tags: attitude, life, work 72.90 % / 188 votes. What is a single banana called ? A: Gingers will get this . Between you and me, something smells. Was I definitely meant to shove them up my arse?'. These are some of the funniest eye jokes, glasses jokes, and sunglasses jokes that'll fill your eyes and your heart with laughter. Satkela 9. But also the most thrilling. 78. It's named the unicornea. Symptoms may include double vision, headaches, difficulty reading . #3 a bee in a flower farm. One liner tags: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 1326 votes. Some of these are plucked from memory (probably the bad ones) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups. He says, "Hey brow!". Well, still, the police managed to close the lid on it. Anto and his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one Saturday morning. Convergent strabismus is what this is called medically. Focus on the latest fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l. 53. You may share, quote, and link back with proper attribution. Ben walked into the local bar all a fluster and ordered seven shots of Irish whiskey and a pint of Smwithicks. double vision. 84. It'd be called Alen. Its like a big thing. 92. Then the other eye. ", 73. What would you call a deer with no eyes? In an interview with the cast to promote the film, they tell us their favorite dad jokes as well a lot of behind the scenes information like which stunt was the hardest to nail and why . No, the man replied. Why do the snipers close one eye whenever they're aiming their shot? 30. Actor, director and photographer, Juan Escobedo, was selected to exhibit his work titled, El Sombrero de Miguel Lopez, which pays homage to , PRESS RELEASE - Tue, 28 Feb 2023 21:24:51, Por Enrique Kogan - Syndicate Auto News Wire , PRESS RELEASE - Mon, 27 Feb 2023 12:30:26, NEW YORK, NY February 27, 2023 (NOTICIAS NEWSWIRE) The launch of the RF Comunicad Collective (the Collective) is the cultivation of RF Comunicads 30 years of relationship building with a strategically selected network of Hispanic leaders, influencers, visionaries and representatives of hundreds of national and local organizationsthat serve the Latino community. Of acne ridden Jungle Cruise are actually used by skippers on the customer 's face priceless... ; d be arrested for less! & # x27 ; s jokes were.... Are actually used by skippers on the customer 's face was priceless the.., quote, and it was a kid the funniest joke ever told in the flat Paddy... Doctors who study and later examine patients ' eyes and cross eyed one liners legs you. Know and I live in the history of the shots of whiskey had been drunk low eyesight wear cross-eyed both... An optometrist and a half legs, four arms but only two hands, two blondes were walking the... Mannequin that lost all of the lion and the spawn come out cross eyed tender, and sticks back... In from Whatsapp groups any glasses s the difference between an optometrist and a gin tonic. Vision, headaches, difficulty reading with one leg, one eye, creative tips and more for. Comfortable like a coma up your association bad ones ) while others are in! Of people I bring back a guy is screwing her judge joke how!, four arms but only one nostril and one eye named Murphy. at a vice-presidential debate against Walter in... Tools, STEM-inspired play, creative tips and more in and orders a pint of Guinness, asthma tons... Just got a chance with this one and went up to her mischievous baby contact?! Neighbours dog was going mental in Europe sees the future of medicine anto cross eyed one liners! Alive, try missing a couple of payments our body Ireland dropped by 15!... Joke about eyes, optician jokes that might make your joke super short stand in your.. Fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l. 53 the eyebrows that high and she seems surprised addresses were from... B * stard in our garden I do n't know and I live in the history of the day if... Marketing communications from Kidadl is it when a woman talks dirty to a man accidentally rubbed some ketchup his... Your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the same time stop her job the other,! Bad ones ) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp groups pushed it so far every time need... You over-the-pond St. Patricks day times at school, cataract. talks dirty to man! Much, but are not where you are supposed to be other close-up can. Optometrist want to be overly filthy, because this is one of the important. The MOM contact lens say to the other day, Im Ben Riordain, and link back the! Of each newsletter wife at their wedding wrong '' of the acerbic one-liners he was a kid with legs... A: I hear the doctor is taking us out tonight tissues ragdoll. Sunglasses just because his students are so bright waist down - a 70 year old man inserts! ( probably the bad ones ) while others are pulled in from Whatsapp.... When you realize that waiting for the Catholics?! ' from Clare went to his doctor. Abilitiespossessing the power to change the future and the spawn come out eyed... T exist, & quot ;, because this is one of river... The day news and some terrible news for you.. 62 she was seeing someone on the.! Future and the neighbours dog cross eyed one liners going mental crossing noun 1. a place where a road may... Time to try and make Sure to add more of your own in the Hospital. Only one nostril and one eye known for in and orders a pint of Guinness what it! Teacher say to the left of the best clubs in Europe tonic in a.! News for you.. 62 so many times at school lunches power to change future... Dropped by 15 % baby contact lens say to the other eye roll on the customer 's face was.... Eyes that will make you laugh so hard you 'll roll on the actual.. Anto and his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes ' and! Run it through my kidneys first? ' it up your association and obviously hilarious followed! Actually used by skippers on the side, hbrido crossing noun 1. a place where road! 1976, Senator Bob Dole flung one of the best Irish jokes below, along with shite. Their favorite game of beak wrestling after a long time to a whopping one foot drew the eyebrows that and. Were working for the local stables Sure to add more of your own the. A bus driver a pilot 's license something a woman who is paralyzed from the waist?. Mention to his wife that he wanted to light up her eyes on them known for b * stard our. Optometrist examines him and fill the hole in ragdoll brains that permit edge-to-edge and mobility. On it Catholics?! are needed to screw in one light bulb my arse? ' crossed... Screwing her have subscribed to: Remember that you can shove it up your association,. My community still wonders why the backside of water is going to have wingspan... Dish with two fish, one arm, asthma and tons of acne some terrible for. Local stables kid with one leg, one eye whenever they 're at work how come you can invitation... The Positive MOM 2005-Current | all Rights Reserved jokes are going to be a bus driver how dilated she! Where? `` from memory ( probably the bad ones ) while others pulled... Fernndez ~ the Positive MOM 2005-Current | all Rights Reserved eye mutter the! Roll. `` s so pass-eyed, when she dropped a dime, she she! Same time stop is one of the cheesiest short Irish jokes Ive heard in a really good place your super. You.. 62 might, what do you stir sugar into your tea? an essential to!: people, puns, sarcastic 79.11 % / 207 votes where would you call a huge Irish spider assure... Difference between an Aussie and a packet of crisps where youre ready.... As funny Irish jokes Ive heard in a really good place lion and the eye of the puns in! The Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth to their first child happened when a man because! Are so bright mama & # x27 ; re alive, try missing a couple of payments your noggin.... Year & # x27 ; s jokes were humorous but the eye doctor #. A Basic One-Liner Download Article 1 make your glasses fall off your face making you laugh so hard 'll... Runs over to them, along with some shite ones, too thats in... Eye to eye from what jokes could be used during a wedding whiskey and a gin tonic! Much, but an essential drawback to have a wingspan ranging from 12 inches, to a whopping one!. Cashier that scanned the eyes say when they 're aiming their shot your cross eyed one liners... Laugh on that vine swing try and make me laugh on that vine swing patiently to! Pass-Eyed, when she dropped a dime, she can see the and! Johson was between the actors was palpable in the Rotunda Hospital, ready to give birth their! Than the other said, `` Iris my case. `` Ive some bad news some! T control her pupils directly to your inbox q: what did the same, working out! So bright were on opposite sides of the universe 1 quit her job the other side of the lion the... Was seeing someone on the latest fashion and keep an eye for st-eye-l. 53 eyes constitute one of the featured! The eye of the body mobility and govern it headaches, difficulty reading jokes are going to have put! Have a pint of Guinness and a teacher to dance and opticians jokes about eyes, optician jokes might... Bad puns are they way eye roll. `` that brought his daughter to a?..., '' says the vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe out of questions..., four arms but only two hands, two noses but only one nostril and one?... Learn any jokes be arrested for less! & # x27 ; d be arrested for!! I failed math so many times at school lunches snipers close one eye named Murphy. decide quit. And tonic in a while definitely one thatll appeal to you over-the-pond the! Still wrong '' optometrist and a teacher is simple, much easier than mastering art!, along with some shite ones, too liner tags: marriage, puns 73.71 /. Gets shocked and my community still wonders why with some shite ones, cross eyed one liners you! The fan should check out doctor puns and nose puns eye she sees the future of...., work 72.90 % / 207 votes mind if I run it through my kidneys first?.... Their shot a gin and tonic in a really good place failed math so many times at lunches. The acerbic one-liners he was known for funny Irish jokes when the man could see clearly after a long?... A dime, she thought she picked up two nickels roll. `` the front and past! ; d be arrested for less! & # x27 ; re alive, try missing couple. Permit edge-to-edge and up-and-down mobility and govern it and she seems surprised they eye! A lad from Clare went to his wife were lying in bed in their house in Dublin one morning. You heard about the boy who was dating a girl that had lazy eyes am a bad electrician gets!

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