my wife doesn't care when i'm sick
I just need a bit of support lol anyway, my wife won't be back until 4 PM. H, has two basic emotions, FEAR and ANGER. But god forbid he do anything out of his way for me. Yeahand just imagine trying to trust people when you grow up with everyone telling you you don't fit inand if you let that pain in all the time, instead of shut it out, you would be a puddle on the floor. If you read anything about attachment theory, the bottom line is that if you had a parent who didn't attach to you, or rejected you, then you mostly likely develop an unhealthy attachment style you use with others. They'll let me be to recuperate, since they know it's nasty. Qualities many w ADDdo not possess. Second, gently encourage him to connect. Perhaps he would consider reading the free treatment e-book (look in the treatment guide for it) and also consider adding some 'attend time' to his schedule. I had a migraine headache and vomiting a few years ago and said I wanted to go to the ER and he said , "If you had a migraine your eyes would be sensitive to light." Its an open concept house and he's painted the walls all different colors, but again, half done. I had to pay out of pocket to see a naturopathic doctor trained by ILADS(it is the best training for Lyme disease and tick borne infections treatment.) Just the feeling at the moment. He then proceeded to rip me a new one, in front of his parents. That's not even in my nature.". My husband believes he's Mr. Fix-It, and can fix anything. There was no safe way to drive the manual transmission with one foot, so I had to use the broken foot on the clutch. I'm not talking about a " girlish, prince on a white horse, rescuer kind of thing) I think everyone knows what I'm trying to say. Do you have kids that were sick too? He told I just had the flu and went to bed. Then we must note that he attempts, albeit it is poor and generic advice, to advise you on your illness. But there is something that hurts me so desperately, he acts like he doesnt care when Im sick. Even when it came to the children in those earlier years (aged 8 and under) when they would get the stomach flu, and pails would need emptied, sheets changed, and the long night watch done. My In-laws and husband were there, along with our daughter. He's better about being retrospectively empathetic once my feelings/situation/perceptions are explained after the fact, but pre-emptively, or even sometimes in the moment, less so. A perfect opportunity to "prove" himself right ~ WRONG! I really do want out of the marriage but don't have the guts at my age. If I am not in his presence at the moment, I am not on his mind. No expression. It took me 27 years to stop being jealous when he treated other women better than me and hyperfocused on gadgets and not me. It was like neither of us care that we were damaging our marriage. That's why the 'pursuit' or 'in your face' strategy that you are using fails. Its me, me and my illness, that dominate our life. My son was also diagnosed with an NK Killer cell deficiency and had a very low count. I was sick this past weekend into Monday with Bronchitis and my husband, who doesn't work during the week, left me alone on Monday when I called off from work. We have elementary aged children and he works at a demanding job. The entitlements and abrasive treatment of others. And that doctor he threatened to sue likely saved his son's life. I think that men get used to a female (their mother) taking care of them while they are children, and subconsciously they maintain this view as they get to adulthood. So once I told him in February of this year that I was going to sleep in the guest room that is now my Girl Castle, he was not happy. I just got back from a trip and most likely caught a cold from someone on the plane ride home. Maybe he's dated someone like that. OMG. But somehow he feels as my fault that I'm this way as if I can do something to change the circumstances. I really appreciate your insight. Press J to jump to the feed. So many of the situations seem so crazily familiar. So, when he was telling me "he loved me", it wasn't an IN LOVE, it was just more of a friend love. WebI love my wife. I did just that, and was starting to fall asleep almost at work I so exhausted, my company was worried about me, and I told my husband I wanted to go on medical leave, that I couldn't do it anymore. When someone is sick or injured.I'm first respondentjust so you know? Some otc antacids helped. You should absolutely not expect to be treated as a child by your wife, and don't put your wife in the roll of your mother. My husband is terrible when it comes to this. Like I was some animal in the Zooand he was just coming to see the specimen out of curiosity. If they get ill first, and then I get ill? Anyway, I digress. I paid for every cent at that point and insurance for me/him. (Statements I've heard dozens of times, and heard again this week). Maybe I'm just expecting a bit too much. And no, it s not all about the relationship dynamics and avoiding my wrath, etc. You never falter. I haven't been yelled at once while expressing myself. You love me. Because you are doing it and should own your behavior. He refused to tend to me as I was going into shock. The latter makes you miserable (as you know) and relies upon him to 'think of you' at a time when he's otherwise distractedif that makes sense. I don't trust him now, and I have good reason not to. Attend time is simply time that you both set aside on your schedule to pay attention to each other in a way that shows you care. Got plenty of time to think about it. He/she is merciless. My husband had the worst tantrum in front of a third person. And my mother ( the other one with ADHD who I got it from? This is not ok. Impatient to a fault, hates to wait, hates to wait his turn. I cam home ( after working out for an hour feeling worse ) and told my mom and she took my temperature and it was like 104 degrees!! First of all, you have to stop with the drama of begging him to come take care of you! Or begging him to drive you home. I can understand mentionin I don't think I would ever discuss the possibility of having cancer with my kids unless I actually had it. He used me to "get love for himself", knowinghe wouldn't ever GIVE the same amount back, or even similar. After I broke my foot, the Orthopedist put me in a non weight bearing cast. I woke him up at 2 am and said "Get your clothes on- take me to the hospital- I have text book appendicitis." I feel like with every post, I am reading about myself. After my surgeries, I couldn't do ANYTHING. I'm feeling better now! (And he sees this as a good thing)half done, with walls half painted. I know the empathy is in there, but it's overridden by the rest of their experience and the onslaught of perception they constantly have to sort through. Submitted by tiredmomma1 on Fri, 04/07/2017 - 12:12. Now not now and love. Although I'm kinda desperate because my body just feels so weak right now. And, yes, I am 100% sure it's not all ADHD. I invite him to things I know he will say no to just to be nice but then I go and enjoy myself. I do believe he is plagued internally by his demons and if I can't show compassion and let go of resentment, I would surely hate him for marrying me. So I've (40m) been married ten years now and I love my wife (40f), but she has the most annoying behavior pattern whenever I am sick. We're still at the beginning of our diagnostic and therapeutic journey. Kids pick up on stuff they're not ****ed. Thank you for the commendation. H's definition of love is thisafter I asked him "What does love mean to you?" Many years ago I had appendicitis. I signed up for a local meal prep service, where they prepped a few dinners. He just gets on his computer. Ive had back and chest pain on and off becoming more frequent. (he can't) He pinches pennies, in trying to fix something that he's usually broken himself, but then it ends up costing us double or triple in do-overs. How would he manage without me, his Bandaid? It dramatically affected my relationship for the worse. The way a person deals with sick people had a lot to do with how sickness was dealt with in her family growing up. He did - but was very angry and mean about it. It seems likely he would like the opportunity to feel affection from you, as wellso perhaps would be motivated. I agree his kids should come first. Well, to be frank, that will vary from person to person as we all display love in different ways. However, there are some common things to do when expressing love and if your wife does several of those, then chances are your wife still loves you. Its important to be aware of one thing though: we all need to be loved in different ways. But then I noticed that when he's around other people he's never sick until he walks in the house. I was out of character. Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. WebMaybe he's the kind of person who doesn't want to be bothered when he's sick. Submitted by Exhaustedlady87 (not verified) on Fri, 11/15/2019 - 16:54. Your wife is negative because she doesn't know how to deal with her angry/upset/self-loathing emotions so she projects them onto 'faults' that you have. How can she stop? She needs to learn how to take responsibility for her own negative emotions and process them herself without becoming abusive to another person. It doesn't appear in any feeds, and anyone with a direct link to it will see a message like this one. I jokingly call(ed) her "Florence Nightingale" because even others would notice how completely oblivious she was/is to any illness or discomfort on my part. it's not the same as OCD. It means you're a dumb ass push over that loves acting like a victim. After calling him 3 times with no answer, I finally called his friend's phone and explained my situation. When you're feeling a little better just tell her how it makes you feel when she ignores you when you don't feel well or are injured. This is what it's been like living with my ADHD husband as well. You never waver. When I am sick I want to be left alone, just let me sleep it off. In the letter I explained that he needed to get help and I was running to save myself. Recallingthe time I told him I was really sick in the morning before swim workout and he told me I had to go anyway? He said it was too clinical and she was cold. Not doing anything about it will make you resentful. So it's easier when you can say, "ok 20% sucks if I let it but 80% is fabulous". It was a costly move but I just was happy he was getting help. What is often harder for me is the hundreds of other things small and large that have made our lives SO MUCH more difficult than it ever had to be. She was in her second semester of college and was busy with school and work. I know when I'm sick, I freak out about being a burden & not pulling my weight. He was disgusted. Some men are selfish creatures. He wrote me a letter saying how he fell in love in college, and she left him, and he didn't want to feel "that hurt" again, so he basically shut "that part" of himself down, so that he wouldn't FEEL that. The whole thing is just very, very HARD. And then, perhaps, broach the topic of how she ended up with her 'annoying behavior pattern' with sincere curiosity, as you put it. So The behavior, not the label, is what matters. She used to tell me, (when speaking of my husband), "I liked him, he never BOTHERED ME", and would praise him for leaving her alone, unlike her other children who " needed" her, as children DO. Of course my Hcalled right back saying he could not hear his phone(yet his friend heard his on the 2nd ring). I was treated for cancer a few years ago & this really threw things into sharp relief. "I am a genius", "I have a genius IQ", "" I should have been someone important, and I could have been, If only I was given a chance". I am, however, hesitant, super hesitant, to engage when 90 percent of what comes out of his mouth is a lie. I, ME, MINE!! All big red flags. WebSign #7: He doesnt ask you any questions about you and doesnt seem interested in who you are. Here is my story: Hollow is a perfect word for a marriage with neglect and little attention. He made me pay that year for leaving. A well spouses support and encouragement can help a partner stay on track, but this new role can also trigger frustration on both sides. Once again I get "That's great! So yes, I was sick and I gave myself the day and decided to go to work where I am around normal people that dote on me. Friday afternoon he gets home from work and goes to give me a kiss and I tell him that he shouldn't kiss me because I'm getting a scratchy throat and most likely a cold and his response isn't one of sympathy, instead it's "Greeeeeeat! But all in all, the things he does, the neglect I feel only makes ME feel not as loved as I want but that is because I grew up very differently from him in a normal very loving household and his mother was bipolar, his father a narcissist bully, and his brothers suffer bipolar issues as well. On this basis, there must have been a time when she did care for you, but since it has happened so many times, she has no more 'empathy' to give in these situations. 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