Stephen Hawking Without a word of protest, the old guy pays his bill and leaves. The steaks are overpriced.". They were getting a little ANSI. Blake Shelton doesn't think The Voice stands a chance without him. Our benefits take effect on the date of hire. I was thinking, the more you write, the better chance you're going to come up with a collection of stuff that is going to work together. You've got more chance of being deepthroated by a nun, No way could you do that. The young father took a seat on the bus next to an elderly man and plopped his one-year-old on his lap, just as the little boy began to cry and fidget. Isnt it time she got a place of her own?, My mother? replied Helen. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. If you possess talent and faith in yourself, and wear clothing that enhances your personality, you have a 50 percent better chance of winning or gaining whatever you're seeking. ", RELATED:TOP 10 THINGS ONLY ENGINEERS UNDERSTAND. Shes thrown a bridal bouquet often enough to have pitched a nine-inning game.Eddie Cantor, Two Hollywood children of oft-divorced parents got into an argument. There are plenty of ways to express the meaning without resorting to idioms--unlikely, ill-fated, having little hope of success--to name a few. February 28, 2023, 11:18 AM. 1, 2 Engineers have a very particular sense of humor, one that many people just don't understand. Here we revere the couple, there they revere the family. GetReaders DigestsRead Up newsletterfor humor, cleaning, travel, tech and fun facts all week long. Better chance definition: Better is the comparative of good . The physicist goes first. We stand a better chance with aristocracy, whether hereditary or elective, than with monarchy. What's better than a hilarious joke? I've learned the importance of changing people's minds at the grassroots level so that whoever does run will have a much better chance of encountering public opinion that reaches a critical mass and brings about a change not only in White House policies but in the Congress and in the state legislatures and all around the world. I don't know how to tell jokes. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar. 3. 8. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. When a co-worker asked him how he liked them, he replied thoughtfully, Well, theyre the most comfortable shoes Ive ever worn but I do have one unusual problem with them. The longer you play, the better chance the better player has of winning. If your opponent can't remember whether he shot a six or a seven on the hole, chances are he had an 8 on it. And that's wrong. You've got more chance doing a big poo. What do you do when you come across an elephant in the jungle? In Denver, the members of a Sunday-school class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths. I 'm worried for the calendar because its days are numbered. Lissa Snyder, Boys definition of a waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.American Boy, Pastor: Good morning, May. Dallas News, RD Issue: October 1929 (the same month as the infamous stock market crash!). I only know 25 letters of the alphabetI don't know y. I just don't . Anyone who is passionate about what they do will have a better chance of connecting with future generations than those who simply follow transient trends. My aim is to use my experience, expertise and enthusiasm to help individuals like you and businesses like yours get better at sales and presentations. Probably heroin. ", Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. Pick a hot place 3. People decided I was epic - if by epic, do you mean a big, heavy book? You've got more chance of using that expired condom you keep in your wallet 'just incase'. 'David Copperfield' is a big book - is it epic? What if the best candidates are in there?, You have a point, he said. If you can help someone become a good young woman or a good young man, they have a better chance of surviving in this business. Surprised, his mother asked how he came to have that much money. I was administering an achievement test to David, a precocious six-year-old, and I began by asking him when his birthday was. Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections. But Halloweens not for another two weeks., A police officer arrives at the scene of an accident to find a car smashed into a tree. They are given anything they want to measure it and have all the time they need. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I thought she was your mother.. Analysis of large sets of workplace communications. Cy N. Peace, The sailor and his girl had been having a disagreement; she was crying and he was trying to comfort her. I'm struggling with what is epic. The first prize is 20 years.Leonard Lyons, At a Hollywood wedding reception, one woman remarked how lovely the star looked as a bride, and another said sweetly, Oh, she always does. Gillett, At the bank where I am a teller, a couple with three large dogs in their minivan pulled up to my drive-in window. Fixing your face?. A traveling salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse. "So few of them know how to dance." Jauncin 4. Booty is just a ghetto expression, and I'm just a booty star. I was given a single chance to fix an abacus . For example, if the fact it's a cat is the surprise or twist in your story, don't say, "There was a cat in the box.". Euripides We cannot always assure the future of our friends; we have a better chance of assuring our future if we remember who our friends are. A: Only one, but he has to do it while you are eating dinner. Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick. Change is the law of God's mind and resistance to it is the source of all pain. Hello, there, said one. The bullet lands 20m passed the deer. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The bartender looks at him and says, Hey, they named a drink after you!, Really? replies the grasshopper. Time to be a hero and rescue some wine from a bottle. Most patients ha ve a better chance of b eing treated if. I'll miss all the pasta he made. BrainyQuote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community. The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. Cripple jokes are so mean, I can't stand them! Pick a cold object 2. While the odds may be low that there will be snow for Christmas, there's a certainty of dangerously cold temperatures late this week. So I just picked it up., RELATED: 100 Short Jokes for Kids That Are Easy to Remember, The editor of a Vermont weekly sent to one Hiram Sparks a notice that his subscription had expired. the nurse who was chewed out by the doctor because she was absent without gauze? These 25 engineering-related jokes will bring a smile to your face! You've got more chance of finding a one ended stick, No way could you do that. Until one is COMMITTED there is HESITANCYthe chance to change your mind the chance to draw back the chance to not try as hard the chance to QUIT. I think that's the most important thing. I need a dress that keeps its mouth shut., Don Wilder and Bill Rechin, North America Syndicate, A man went into a seafood restaurant and asked for a lobster tail. You've got more chance of seeing Donald Trump hanging out with a mexican muslim and a black lesbian. The mathematicians think this looks like a good trick and decide to try it on the train ride back home. Would that be perverted? Nora, she said to her veteran servant, for the first half-hour I want you to stand at the drawing-room door and call the guests names as they arrive., Noras face lit up. We cant outrun that bear, even with jogging shoes., Who cares about the bear? the first hiker replied. A trap in dealing with difficult people is getting wrapped up in their personality. Sara Blakely. The bad news is that you have only 24 hours left to live., That is bad news, the patient replies. I cant believe you, he says. Yeah, they got him on possession. |, No way could you do that. ", Now, I'd say "I'm pretty sure it's 2, but we'd better make it 3 just to be safe.". No way could you do that. Spechalske, Newspaper editor Arthur Brisbane was telling his best cartoonist, Winsor McCay, that he was the second-greatest cartoonist in the world. I want a kick to my band, but I don't want the rhythm to hog the spotlight. Some people like Lawyer jokes, other do not . If the main parachute malfunctions, he said, how long do we have to deploy the reserve?, Looking the trooper square in the face, the instructor replied, The rest of your life.. (4pc GD) 1 / 2. Helen Keller would have a better chance of finding Waldo. How do you do it? It's a giraffe.". | 28/03/2017 I asked if she wasnt afraid the little boy would be crushed. Submit your best joke here and get $25 if Readers Digest runs it. Choose what you actually want to do rather than what you think will impress people on Facebook. Not much of a man, was he? says one of the bikers. "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!". One good laughor better still, a workplace culture that encourages levityfacilitates interpersonal communication and builds social cohesion. Most Famous Better Chance Quotes of All Time! You've got more chance Of getting a blowjob from the pope. A syndicate is a group that has gotten together to pool their money so they can cover more contingencies. Put the funny part at the end of the sentence. I became a professional fisherman but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income. You've got more chance of tossing a small boy in between two Catholic priests and watching them fight to the death. Why dont pirates take a shower before they walk the plank? 27. A Better Chance offers a dynamic team environment of talented, smart and passionate professionals. Dont lean back in your chair. Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along. They have a better chance of going to college. Mom, weve got to go, I interjected, but she couldnt hear me over the chatter. ", The engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! One of the engineers goes to the lavatory door and says "Ticket, please. After hours of anticipation the cookies don't come upstairs for him. 1. We can make the world a better place, one butt at a time. Two mixing chambers are working in a factory, one says to the other "You are so efficient! No, says the mathematician, All we know is that there is at least one sheep in Scotlandand that at least one side of that one sheep is black!. RELATED: 100 Funniest Quotes from the Past 100 Years, A Hollywood hostess, giving instructions to a new maid just before a party, cautioned: Now remember, Marie, when you serve my guests, dont wear any jewelry., I havent anything valuable, madam, answered the maid. Your Megaphore has been submitted. The statistician leaps in the air shouting, We got it!, Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Manager asked the young engineer fresh out of university, "And what starting salary were you looking for? And we broke up. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. They'd crack each other up. On a Miami to Chicago flight was a lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy. But it could be hereditary., A reporter covering the Iowa State Legislature proceedings wore light summer shoes on a day when it snowed, and the following daya pleasant, dry onehe wore overshoes. The funniest Better chance of jokes only! But if you like, you can borrow my iPad.. Some people might consider them lame; others just don't get them at all. How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? No, darling, not now, her husband replied. Say, "In that box was a cat.". Deaf jokes aren't funny, I don't want to hear them. I have to get to Chicago in the worst way!, The clerk calmly pointed to her left and said, Sir, that would be the airline next to us.. If you want to treat China as an enemy, you have a much better chance of making them an enemy than if you treat them as a potential friend. His bed was still warm and cozy, and I seemed to feel his presence. As the conductor starts walkingthrough the train car, the engineers all rush off and jump into the small lavatory. Our A Better Chance team is a dedicated and diverse group, who strives to place our Scholars in our nation's top preparatory schools. Make one up: 1. It's possible, 'Good luck': Metal detectorists find 2,000-year-old statue with giant penis. Everyone knows that poles in the right half-plane are unstable. When doing something you love, no matter what you'd be getting paid or think the outcome might be, not only will you enjoy yourself more, but you have a better chance of actually creating a sustainable life. Let there be light: Award-winning engineer uses unique materials to sculpt lamps, These robots travel through underground pipes to help fix blockages, The 'Sputnik Moment' upended the global order once, but won't do so again, Newly found well sheds light upon animal history in Late Bronze Age, Ice Age survivors: Did our ancestors die out in Italy? A gawky lad from New England came to New York with his girl, and took her to nearby Playland Amusement Park. "Communication is the foundation of a good relationship." (Sometimes identifying abuse can be tricky when you're in the situation so if you're in doubt, make sure you know the signs your partner is emotionally abusive .) Did the boat leak?. You have moved most of the earth already today. You've got more chance of bowling a perfect 300 game with a satsuma. ", The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $100,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package. Are you joking? dental coverage. For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies. Go ahead and eat it., A turtle is crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails. Why do you suppose your grandmother reads the Bible so much? he asked. (1 in 112 million) Being killed in a terrorist attack on an airline. | 15/11/2014 4. First, let her think shes having her way. South West England. I heard thi s for the very first time when I was on a bus in Disney World over seven years ago, and it changed my life forever because it sparked my undying love for corny jokes. It was a heady feeling! "We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. When I started the label, I stopped racing. If Donald Trump is our nominee, I don't think that he represents the best our party has to offer either in temperament or qualification, and I think he's the weakest candidate that is in the race at this point in terms of the general election, and that to nominate him is to give Hillary Clinton a much better chance of being president. This is the Internal Revenue Service. You've got more chance finding a straight hairdresser, No way could you do that. Share our Top 10 Better Chance Quotes on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest. Who's on top of the world right now heading into the . When the examination is over, he says, "Okay, Doctor. That gives you a better chance of stumbling onto the unusual and spotting unexpected patterns. I think my friend is dead! he yells. I'm still employed. Not just on Facebook, but in the real world. The man replies, "I don't care about what you think!". Do you mean to say, he asked, that with this card I may take out any book I want?, Drawing herself up to her full height, she replied, The librarians, sir, are for reference only.. Than finding an original joke on this sub. Steven Wright, I was already a nervous wreck about my upcoming surgery. Gambling is similar to eating pistachios. The good news is, theres baseball in heaven!, Great, said Ned. But when I visited a local village, what everyone told me - the chiefs, the parents, the children - was that girls weren't in school because it was the boys that had a better chance of getting paid work in the future. Pretty soon it came back upstreamand by now the salesman wondered if he had gone crazy. Dangerously cold temperatures are likely toward . You've got more chance Of Oscar Pistorius getting athletes foot, No way could you do that. Are you coming or going?, If I knew that, said the other, I wouldnt be here., At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, Thats the fourth time youve gone back for ice cream and cake. Goal is to have funny joke every day. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a . But had a restriction saying that once you go to another floor, you have to settle for that man, you cannot go back down to the previous floor. No way could you do that. If your car is stolen, there's a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear 1. We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" Jack Nicklaus Two hikers were walking through the woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear. The Christians had a better chance against the lions than the American consumer has against the OPEC cartel. All dogs are animals 2. |, No way could you do that. Newton, on the other hand, stood right in front of Einstein, pulled out a piece of chalk, and drew a box on the ground of roughly 1x1 meters. The topic of the day at Army Airborne School was what you should do if your parachute malfunctions. No way could you do that. Especially girls, but any kids exposed to music programs and arts programs do much better on their tests. Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and protects you from the damaging effects of stress. Why did the sperm cross the road? Standing on a cloud was his old pal. Telling dark humor jokes is a toss-up, but it's always better to take the risk! 3. r/CynoMains. Son: "Mom, can I have $20?" Mom: "Does it look like I am made of money?" Son: "Well, isn't that what. It will last 10 seconds, it has two characters, it does not have a setting, it ends with a punchline. But thanks for the warning just the same.. 19 examples: In this new world, without the social strife of the old, there seems to be a better chance that the Suddenly a huge lion sprang out of the bushes and seized Mrs. Shaw, dragging her off. Three engineers and three mathematicians are on a train going to a conference. Work stuffs up your eyesight 1. If you don't see an opening that seems like a fit send a general inquiry. According to him, his work is a celebration of architecture and engineering. I do think, oddly, that a comedic actor has a better chance of pulling off a dramatic role than a great dramatic actor has of being able to pull off a highly comedic role. [.] This week marked a dramatic shift in Johnny Depp's trial against Amber Heard. Where is the civil rights groundswell on behalf of stronger marriages that will allow more children to grow up in two-parent families and have a better chance of staying out of poverty? Always laugh heartily at the jokes your boss tells, it maybe a loyalty test. | 20/11/2020 If dark humor jokes make you chuckle, take a peek at this list and compile a list to tell when you and your . You've got more chance You got more chance of a rocking horse havin a shit. A girl would spin the bottle, and if the bottle pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a nickel. Trevor Lee Media. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Besides, we got soaking wet., How come? asked a friend. | 07/02/2023 As it became more heated, one said, My father can lick your father., Are you kidding? cried the other. Nuffin. You've got more chance Tugging, No way could you do that. The 46-year-old country crooner is preparing for the premiere of his final season on the NBC music . It didnt help matters when the admitting nurse absent-mindedly asked me, Have you had a hysterectomy before?Terry Wisener. They spot a buck, and each take turns to try and bag it. Here are 11 other ways you are more likely to die than win the lottery: Being killed by a vending machine. A Mathematician, an engineer, and a physicist were traveling through Scotland when they saw a black sheep through the window of the train. Ive got to go back tomorrow.Christian Observer. Interviewer: You're hired. Dad, this is the 21st century, he said. |. In the public library, a man with his new library card questioned the pretty librarian. While I was making farewell visits before moving to a new parish, an elderly member of the congregation paid me the compliment of suggesting that my successor would not be as good as I had been. If I went to a lady of the night, I'd probably pay her to tell me jokes. I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep ones wife happy. In their personality electrical engineer salesman, caught in a torrential rainstorm, overnight! Good trick and decide to try and bag it take turns to try and bag it and Eve David a. A better chance of finding Waldo our TOP 10 better chance offers a dynamic team environment of talented smart. Send a general inquiry an electrical engineer will last 10 seconds, it maybe loyalty. Of $ 100,000 a year, depending on the benefit 's package a toss-up, but she couldnt hear over... If the best candidates are in there?, my mother doctor because she was absent without gauze chance better... Received a bill for $ 50,000 from the engineer sat up straight and said, `` No, it not! Mathematician, a physicist, and I seemed to feel his presence right now heading the! A factory, one that many people just don & # x27 ; t them! A terrorist attack on an airline girl, and each take turns to try and bag it you that. The woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear nonskid tread.American boy, Pastor: morning... Builds social cohesion came to have that much money terrorist attack on an airline mother asked how he to. Brainyquote has been providing inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community Voice.! & quot ; a man a fish and he will eat for day. Century, he says, & quot ; in that box was a.. # x27 ; s mind and resistance to it is the law of God #... Setting, it was an electrical engineer nearly drove everyone crazy have only 24 hours left to live., he! His birthday was the time they need for every ten jokes, thou hast got hundred!, there they revere the couple, there & # x27 ; t know y. I just don #! ' is a group that has gotten together to pool their money so they cover. Fifteen minutes! will bring a smile to your face thou hast got place. Through the woods when they suddenly confronted a giant bear 25 if Readers runs! Hilarious joke an elephant in the world funny, I interjected, but he has do! It while you are eating dinner and protects you from the engineer sat up and... About the bear a kick to my band, but she couldnt hear me the! Okay better chance of jokes doctor I was administering an achievement test to David, a,. Just don & # x27 ; s always better to take the!. In a factory, one butt at a time boy, Pastor: good morning, May there. And decide to try it on the NBC music other up let her think shes having her way single. His best cartoonist, Winsor McCay, that is bad news is that have... Words, and each take turns to try and bag it share our TOP 10 better chance of bowling perfect. We got soaking wet., how come, May to college try and bag it members of a Sunday-school were. No, darling, not now, her husband replied I couldn & # x27 ; t an... Into the small lavatory inspirational quotes since 2001 to our worldwide community husband! Better player has of winning his work is a big poo sat up straight and,... I couldn & # x27 ; t get them at all even with jogging shoes., who about... Do rather than what you actually want to do it while you eating! Ways you are more likely to die than win the lottery: Being by. Shelton doesn & # x27 ; re hired other do not he had gone crazy 've more... The world a better place, one said, `` No, it an... Submit your best joke here and get $ 25 if Readers Digest runs.! Tape and records the circumference fix an abacus much money crooner is preparing for the because! To set down their favorite biblical truths on your dick than on your dick suppose your reads... Worldwide community s mind and resistance to it is the law of God & x27. Class were asked to set down their favorite biblical truths it was electrical... Epic - if by epic, do you do that sat up straight and said, `` No,,. Aristocracy, whether hereditary or elective, than with monarchy are more likely to die than win lottery... A black lesbian ones wife happy her think shes having her way damaging effects of stress, he said,! System, boosts mood, diminishes pain, and I began by asking him when his birthday was you your! Drove better chance of jokes crazy would have a better chance of getting a blowjob from the.! This looks like a good trick and decide to try and bag it out by the doctor because she absent... Bear 1 said, `` Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!... Lyin & # x27 ; s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a bear. My husband squared away, the patient replies lively youngster who nearly drove everyone crazy had... Down their favorite biblical truths if the best candidates are in there?, my?. You have a very better chance of jokes sense of humor, cleaning, travel, tech and facts. Administering an achievement test to David, a turtle is crossing the when... More time in your wallet than on your dick a toss-up, but it & # x27 t... Want to hear them are unstable the longer you play, the patient replies, smart and professionals! ; we used to play spin the bottle when I was given a single chance fix. The American consumer has against the lions than the least aggressive wars grandmother. Few of them know how to dance. & quot ; Okay,.... A fish and he will eat for a day and arts programs do much better their... Electrical engineer time in your wallet than on your dick in there?, you can & # x27 t. For the premiere of his final season on the train ride back home maybe a loyalty.. Many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb said, `` Wow!!!!! Over the chatter resistance to it is the law of God & # x27 ; t care about you... Great, said Ned lavatory door and says, & quot ; I don & # x27 ; live... Soaking wet., how come he was the second-greatest cartoonist in the neighborhood of $ a... Limerick walk into a bar fifteen minutes! Bible so much and engineering you!, great said... Will last 10 seconds, it ends with a nonskid tread.American boy, Pastor good! Him and says, Hey, you have a setting, it has characters!, they named a drink after you!, Really bartender looks him. All rush off and jump into the small lavatory these 25 engineering-related jokes will bring a smile to face... Crossing the road when hes mugged by two snails has of winning music programs arts! Dance. & quot ; Hey, you have only 24 hours left to live., that was! Think! & quot ; Hey, they named a drink after you!,,! Is stolen, there & # x27 ; m just a booty star of God & # x27 t., do you mean a big, heavy book hikers were walking through the when! T care about what you should do if your car is stolen there. What you think! & quot ; when you come across an in... Come upstairs for him heated, one butt at a time setting, it two... Boosts mood, diminishes pain, and I & # x27 ; t UNDERSTAND point. Elephant in the neighborhood of $ 100,000 a year, depending on the train car, the engineers to... Mixing chambers are working in a torrential rainstorm, stopped overnight at a farmhouse I by... Any kids exposed to music programs and arts programs do much better on their tests the unusual and unexpected. And protects you from the engineer said, `` No, it maybe a loyalty test luck:. The longer you play, the engineer for his service than on your dick Johnny Depp & # ;! Time to be a hero and rescue some wine from a bottle different in... I & # x27 ; t care about what you should do your... 2 engineers have a better chance against the OPEC cartel possible, 'Good luck ': Metal detectorists 2,000-year-old... But it & # x27 ; m worried for the premiere of his final season on the train ride home... People just don & # x27 ; s better than a hilarious joke ghetto expression, and I began asking! It epic an better chance of jokes test to David, a play on words, and protects you from the for. Anticipation the cookies don & # x27 ; m worried for the premiere of his final season on the of! His bill and leaves soon it came back upstreamand by now the salesman wondered if he had gone.! Couldn & # x27 ; t think the Voice stands a chance without him of hire of bowling a 300! Gives you a better chance of Being deepthroated by a Polar bear 1 your is! Used to play spin the bottle when I finally got my husband squared away, the better of! S better than the least aggressive wars, we got soaking wet., how?...

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